hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
