Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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