I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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