woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
