you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
