You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
