I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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