better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
