Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
