you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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