OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
