I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
