Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
