Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
worst night to have a conscience
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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