So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
