i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
