nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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