I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
