I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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