She announced her abortion via fbk
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
