UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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