After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
