I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
