i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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