That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
