I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
