She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
