I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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