I CAN MOONWALK!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
