I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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