Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
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