Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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