so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize