i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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