plz talk dirty to me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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