Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
