I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
