I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You are the jesus of drinking
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
