if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
