just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
