Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize