Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
