So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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