I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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