dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
