I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just found puke in my bra..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
