Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
