I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize