I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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