Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
