There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
