I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
