She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
