A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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