this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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