Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
