so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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