ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
