My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There r osticjed everywhere
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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