chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
