I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
