i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
