I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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