i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
