I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
