Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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