apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
