3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
