I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
