My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Your dad touched me again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
