he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
