You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize