i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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