What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
